Time.... somthing never thought about....

Time... It is the time which actually kills me, one moment at a time...Time , I remember some old stories, listen some where sometime back, in the history of my life. Some faces seen but unseen... some unsaid words and some never expressed emotions.
Some stories are really realistic, some of them still have impact on my mind, some stories just lived and left silently, without telling to anyone, like the secret, which has made only for me. Said-unsaid secret. Lived-un lived moments. Some thoughts, came and went away. some are still with me.
Thoughts-"the process" still in the process of getting understood by me. Long long time back, don't know from when, for what and how things started falling in terms of thoughts for me. I remember the saying, everything is Cyclic.. I do realized this???...Don't know... or really don't want to know...At some point, I found it as a truth; yes cycle is every where...In science I have learnt it, about the atoms and molecule, and same concept goes to the universe. If the rules are same for the tiniest thing in the universe to the universe it self, then what exactly the rule is? Whether you mind it or don't mind it, rule is to revolve, or is to rotate???
I really fascinate about the things which are here from long long time, or from infinite time... in some book of physics I have read definition of time, "Time is a Universal variable changing at the same rate in all parts of universe..", Do I think it is correct!. Or time is a relative term, uuhhh.. isn't it interesting,confusing...?
Is there anything for which Time doesn't matter, something which doesn't follow the rules or concepts of time? So many such questions, so many such things...
Some times I feel that "Mind Matters", rules of time are not understood by my mind, non-materialistic thing, without any physical existence, beyond words and beyond imagination.. have I ever observed, my body get tired but mind, continuously working in some and the other way..Rather something which is continuously working all the time for nothing, for something.. like time, whether I want it or not, it will keep going and going...Does there something which is controlling me , my emotions, my existence or the happenings in my life. How many years back I can go into History and how many minds I can relate with each other, how many generations are passed away and how many will still in line, an Endless process? Come on if there is a start then there should be an end, very simple thing... Yes, I am searching for the Start, Science says that man is evolved from monkeys, amazing thing to know, but is there possibility that, human is evolved from the each type of animal, our earth till have? very vauge and irrelevant question, but if this is not the case then why each human is not same, as every one is the modest form of monkey. Why do some of us have animal tendencies and facial expressions sometimes, similar to animals, other than monkey? Why my thinking is different than the other one, or why it matches with some people and not with all others.
Some thing clicks to me, something not. I am still figuring out difference between eternity and infinity, alpha and gamma, Journey and Traveling. Should I doubt about the experience or about the Existence.....

This is 2am of 6th March 2008, I don't know what I am typing on and on, some word and some sentences, with out even thinking, what to type, does it make any sense or not, just using my keyboard with to press keys... I think I have to sleep for sometime, after spending such a long day out side, waiting for one more day, it will start soon in some time, Long long time and long long day, time is falling short for nothing, too many things to do, too many questions to ask, too many words to say and too many things to happen, still searching for something... Something which is with me forever, but still unknown to it, still... Like still water, no wave on it no vibration and no variation in the molecules, but too much calm, too much silent and too much attractive....